Avoiding an American Tragedy

Boogie Town!

2008-11-18T15:04:00.001-05:00

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

La música buena

2008-06-29T16:39:00.005-04:00

For you music lovers out there, I recommend finetune.com.

I have been a member of this site for a long time and have finally incorporated it into my blog (see right hand side of page). Ultimately, this site is a great tool for sharing and finding "new" music. Also, it has amazing utility for travelers and people on the go. The best part is that it is all FREE.
If you set up an account and would like to share music, my screenname is kimberlydj (my finetune). I hope this is helpful for some of you!

Love
I Corinthians 13: 4-7
Romans 13: 8

As promised, a Ukraine post.

2008-06-25T22:53:00.017-04:00

Well, I haven't been able to think of a good enough excuse to warrant further procrastination, so -- without further hesitation. . .

For four weeks between May and June I was in Ukraine. Earlier this spring I applied for the Alma College Ukraine Service-Vision Project Scholarship (USVP), which fully funds a month-long trip for two Alma students. Though it is not necessary for receipt of award, both myself and Lauren (the other student who was selected) are members of the Alma College Forgotten Children of Eastern Europe (FCEE). This student-run organization sponsors the Veselka Children's Home north of Kiev and has been a primary focus of the USVP trip. That is to say, during the USVP trip each year, the selected students serve as "ambassadors" (for lack of a more precise term) for FCEE. This year, Lauren and I were able to visit the Veselka Home, The Way Home in Odessa, the Crimean Peninsula, and various organizations in Kiev. We met wonderful people and generated a lot of great ideas for the direction of FCEE (at least, we think they're great, of course we would!).

The trip began at Veselka. We spent nine days there playing with the children and learning more about how we can help at Alma throughout this coming school year. Neither Lauren nor I speak Ukrainian, but (surprisingly) many of the children spoke Spanish! It was a good thing too because we really got to know them well.

After the orphanage, we passed some time in Kiev, exploring the city. I think we saw every major tourist site in the city with expert guidance from Rick DeLong (our translator and guide in Kiev). The weather was beautiful and the sites were fun (my favorite during this first trip in Kiev was the Kiev Philharmonic, see below).

We then took a train to Odessa, a major port-city on the Black Sea. There we worked with The Way Home, a private organization that helps street children return safely to their homes and serves as a transitional home for them. In our brief time there we participated in social patrols (going out into the streets, feeding the homeless children, and encouraging them to come into the Way Home Center) and helped the director, Dr. Robert Gamble (This Child Here) write his annual donor report. Through our many interactions with Dr. Gamble we identified some potential avenues for FCEE sponsorship of The Way Home.

While in Odessa, Lauren and I also took advantage of some non-volunteer opportunities. The first was that we learned some basic Russian phrases and how to read the Cyrillic alphabet from our host family (a young girl learning English and her grandmother, a former language teacher). The second was a concert to see the Russian-speaking pop-rock group Bymbokc (Boombox, they sound like Jason Mraz). We were able to get free tickets from our host-brother who sings in a talented local band. The final thing was going to the "beach." Our last day in Odessa we packed a small picnic and enjoyed beautiful weather and a nice view of the Black Sea.

Following our week in Odessa, we took the train to the Crimean Peninsula for a two day trip between Bakhchisaray and Balaklava. There we learned a bit about Crimean-Tartar culture (basically the only ethnic issue in Ukraine). We visited the Kahn's palace and hiked up to the old Tartar fortress in Bakhchisaray. In Balaklava, despite a bit of rain, we hiked to a ruined tower above the bay. There was something fantastic about the sights and food in Crimea. I wish we could have stayed longer than a couple days.

During our return trip in Kiev, we visited a lot of individuals and organizations which work in Ukraine on current issues such as tourism, domestic violence, business management, and legal services. We met a lot of interesting people. While emphasis of this time in Kiev was learning, we were able to sneak in a little bit of tourist fun, namely we saw a phenomenal guitarist, Enver Izmailov.

This video is from the concert we attended. This song, in particular, was one of my favourites.

Overall, the trip was wonderful and I would love to return to Ukraine in my future. If you want to see more pictures, the following are links to my Ukraine Facebook albums: Ukraine, More Ukraine

Also, all photos in this blog post are courtesy of Rick Delong, tryukraine.com

I hope you are all well and happy. Peace and Love.

Ukraine.

2008-05-30T03:28:00.005-04:00

Dear friends,

I am in the Ukraine. It is spectacular. I wish you were all here with me.

I promise to post a lot more about my trip after I get home and load up the photographs.

Loving and missing you all,

Kim

" Only Love is Real"
I Corinthians 13: 4-7
Romans 13: 8

O, Grenvil! How I come to loathe thee. . .

2008-04-28T11:01:00.007-04:00

Dear Beautiful People:

It is official; the warm, nostalgic feeling of homecoming has faded into the sickening dose of pity and boredom that haunts those capable of recognizing the gravity of reality in a small, post-manufacturing economy. Apparently, Greenville is increasingly ailed by hopelessness, teen pregnancy and drug use. Surely, the former "ailments" are little more than symptoms of a more substantial and infectious plight.

I am not wholly convinced by the common hypotheses of which disease plagues my hometown. Some are quick to assume that it has been poor state economic policy that has fostered the stagnation -- I daresay, the retrograde movement -- of this community. To this, I argue that Michigan's economic policies do not necessarily explain cases across broad spans of time; that is, it is highly unlikely that the successions of leadership in this state have coercively been able to bring down the might of the automotive and other manufacturing industries, especially across the decades since this disease began its manifestation. Nor does this explanation provide insight as to why, in locations nationwide, similar phenomenon occurs.

Others posit that the disease is much broader -- an economic woe echoing throughout the United States and the world. For many internationally, the Western approach to capitalism, free market globalization, is the culprit for our ills. Free trade rhetoric spouted by the US, World Trade Organization, and other global bodies claims that liberalized economic policies spur development (2002 Monterrey Consensus). In some instances, this is true. After signing the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) in 1994, Mexico's inflows of foreign direct investment increased significantly and overall poverty decreased (World Development Reports 1996-2007, World Bank). But, for significant groups within the population, the benefits of liberalized and free trade are out of reach. In Greenville, there is a large portion of the population which, correctly or incorrectly, maintains that NAFTA is what has allowed our manufacturing jobs to head south and east. Assuming, of course, that this draining of "quality, high-paying jobs" is what drives teenagers in Greevilles across the nation to cook meth and fornicate. (The logic has been grossly oversimplied, but I believe it essentially expresses the general thought processes explaining the downturn of society in a place like Greenville).

Ultimately, however, both these explanations are wrong. The horrible increase in high school drop outs, teen pregnancy, drug use, etc. has little if anything to do with economic wounds. Our own permission of cultural and social degradation is the sickness eating at this community. The said degradation deriving, of course, from an epidemic lack of responsibility for ourselves and for others. Blaming economics is a simple explanation of the disgusting debasement of American community. The correlation is obvious, likely perfect and positive. We, in our seemingly-infinite ability to pass blame, see correlation and read causation. Similarly, for those that do recognize this plague as social, I am sickened by the continued inaction to affect change. Fingers are pointed at everyone, but ourselves. Well, Greenville, look in the mirror. It is not Governor Granholm, nor President Bush, nor global capitalists that have brought this to your door. It is your apathy and lack of caring for the progress of your fellow citizens. Turning your head as a child is abused, ignoring your neighbor's depression, not saying 'hello' to a new face -- to an old face! -- these are things that reduce the quality of life in this community, country, and world. We are responsible for the sickness around us and, consequently, only we can reconstruct what has disintegrated. How? By caring enough.

Love
I Corinthians 13: 4-7
Romans 13: 8

Belief-o-matic

2008-04-09T14:45:00.004-04:00

The Belief-o-matic is a fun, online quiz that supposedly helps you to determine with what spiritual stucture or religion your beliefs most closely align. I took this quiz in highschool and was dominantly a Liberal Quaker. The following are my results now (I think they are very accurate):

1. New Age (100%)
2. Unitarian Universalism (98%)
3. Neo-Pagan (97%)
4. New Thought (96%)
5. Liberal Quakers (92%)
6. Scientology (89%)
7. Mahayana Buddhism (86%)
8. Taoism (84%)
9. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (73%)
10. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (72%)
11. Hinduism (71%)
12. Theravada Buddhism (71%)
13. Secular Humanism (67%)
14. Orthodox Quaker (65%)
15. Jainism (62%)
16. Reform Judaism (56%)
17.Nontheist (49%)
18. Sikhism (45%)
19. Bahá'í Faith (44%)
20. Seventh Day Adventist (34%)
21. Orthodox Judaism (33%)
22. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (25%)
23. Islam (21%)
24. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (21%)
25. Jehovah's Witness (15%)
26. Eastern Orthodox (8%)
27. Roman Catholic (8%)

I think it would be fun if some more of my friends took it and compared. So, let me know what you guys end up with!

Brief Life update. . .

2008-04-01T11:40:00.005-04:00

It appears, evidenced by history, that any renewed resolve I have for updating this blog regularly only survives a month or so before I forget my resolution. I do not feel particularly guilty for not writing my blog consistently; not writing in my journal, however, worries me. Both this blog and my journal have gone unattended for weeks, a fact that I regret. Now, having finished with the Truman Scholarship process and having completed another season of Model United Nations, I am collecting my life and returning to the little writing that I do -- beginning with this blog.

I am glad to report that life is wonderful. Allbeit busy, the last three months have been remarkably productive. The challenge of applying for the Truman, preparing as a Finalist, and interviewing for the Scholarship was one of the most difficult processes of my life. I was forced for the first time to crystalize my passion and ideas into a plan for the future. More than this, I was also pushed to defend why and how I could make my plan a reality. Though I did not receive the scholarhip, I gained so much from the experience that it made all the struggle worthwhile. However, I couldn't be too upset about not winning, particularly because the week previous our Model United Nations team made history. For the first time in MUN history, one school has won three Outstanding Delegation and three Oustanding Position Paper Awards. Alma College represented the delegations of Burkina Faso, Costa Rica, and Palau. Anyway, the adrenaline was so high after our success at the National Conference in New York, it was probably impossible for me to get sore over the Truman.

Overall life is sensational. I have great friends and a million and one things to be thankful for.

Ciao - in hopes that I will update again soon with something more universally substantive rather than a brief personal account.

Peace and Love.

Wow.

2008-02-08T15:34:00.002-05:00

When life is great, it truly is fantastic. Time is flying by so quickly that I barely have time to catch my breath, but I have never felt so alive.

In brief, this was my January:

Applying for Truman Scholarship.
Acceptance as alternate intern for the United States Embassy in Lima, Peru.
Model United Nations - Lead Mentor and Position Paper committee (both new roles for me).
Found a new campus organization: Alma College Students For Peace and Nonviolence.

While the other activities have been great, I am particularly excited about the Peace and Nonviolence group. We have some great activities coming up on campus. The first is a showing of the film: Gandhi. Hopefully, there is a great showing and lots of people come. Our second event is the Alma College Hug Day. The idea is that people wear shirts (we'll be selling specially-made ones) and every time they hug someone they get a signature on the shirt. The object is, of course, to cover your shirt in signatures. Sort of like a competition - medals of honor for hugs. I should credit Buddy and Ray with the Hug Day idea. I think it is a spectacular idea for helping to spread a culture of peace across the campus.

Oddly enough, this group has brought me into contact with some faces from my past. An acquaintance from Greenville who recently transferred to Alma, Steve W., a man I graduated high school with, has been a great help and has been very enthusiastic about the organization. Similarly, a girl that did theatre with me -- Lindsey S.-- has been very willing and helpful. Pat T. has also expressed desire to advocate for the organization. It is exhilarating to have such support from home!

Anyway, I am very excited about the potential of this organization. If we can keep enough key people and recruit new members and/or volunteers for events while effectively progressing toward a culture of peace here at Alma, I am sure Alma College Students for Peace and Nonviolence will stick around for the long-run.

Happiness is:

2008-01-05T12:54:00.003-05:00

The year 2007 was a transformative year for me. I spent many months feeling empty and alone. Beginning in July, while I was in Peru, I experienced a substantive change in the way I think, interact and live. Due to the living I have done since then --classes in the UK, moving in with Andrew, working 9-5, living with a lover, leaving a lover, coming home, praying -- I have soberly discovered happiness. I have thought about my life and why, almost suddenly, I love being alive. This is what I have come up with:

Now, for the third time since he had returned from the hospital that day, he opened the woman's book and read the brief inscription on the flyleaf. Written in ink, in German, in a small, hopelessly sincere handwriting were the words "Dear God, Life is hell.". . .Then, with far more zeal than he had done anything in weeks, he picked up a pencil stub and wrote down under the inscription, in English, "Fathers and Teachers, I ponder 'What is hell?' I maintain that it is the suffering of being unable to love.
-- J.D. Salinger, For Esme-With Love and Squalor

Learn to Love.
This above all else is necessary.

Next, pursue a childlike spirit. Run in the rain, have snowball fights, do a cannonball and make snow angels. Free yourself.

Forgive.

One forgives to the degree that one loves.
-- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld

"Caring about others, running the risk of feeling, and leaving an impact on people, brings happiness."
-- Harold Kushner

Maintain groundless hope. Idealize. Imagine.

Love yourself. Inspire others to love themselves, too.

Life is short.
Break the rules. Forgive quickly. Kiss slowly. Love truely. Laugh uncontrollably.

----------------
Now playing: Brandon Heath - I'm Not Who I Was
via FoxyTunes

Christmas Insight.

2007-12-25T16:15:00.002-05:00

Hello everyone!

To begin, I want to wish you all a Merry, merry Christmas and for those who do not celebrate Christmas - happy, glorious holidays to you!

For me, today is a fantastic day. I am not talking about the presents or the money. It is fantastic because today is full of love and happiness. Last night, I spent the evening enjoying time with my immediate family. I also got a special Christmas visit from my friend Brent, who just got home from his internship in Ypsilanti. AND, I was able to call my family in Peru and talk to them. To make the holiday more joyous, I got to see the rest of my family this morning. The whole gang came over for the traditional Christmas brunch and gift-swap. I have a number of little cousins that came over - it was great. On Christmas, children are a joy to watch; the excitement they all have when unwrapping presents is hilarious. Their joy and innocence reminds me how grateful I am for the wonderful souls with whom I share this life. It is a true blessing.

And, while Christmas would be nothing without the love of family and friends, there is a greater, personal significance to this day -- the birth of one the best examples of human existence -- Jesus Christ. Regardless, of spiritual affiliation, I hope that every person can reflect today and find inspiration in the birth of such a great person. Jesus lived a selfless, sacrificial life in order to serve as an example and guide for humanity. I do not feel that I would do this day justice if I did not find time to thank God for the gift of such an enlightened man. Jesus serves as an inspiration for me as I move through life. Today, I look inside myself and hope that I can live today and each day as a better human being.

And, as the New Year comes, there is little better time to resolve to improve yourself. Whether you resolve to say hello to a new person everyday or resolve to compliment others more often, I hope that today gives you a moment to reflect and aspire to improve the world - if only a little.

Bob Marley said:

“Open your eyes, look within. Are you satisfied with the life you're living?”

Today, tomorrow, within the next week, please take the time to answer this question for yourself.

Peace and Love.

Love

Romans 13:8
I Corinthians 13:4-7

Inspiration.

2007-12-02T15:34:00.002-05:00

I hope all of you great and wonderful people are having a great and wonderful weekend. On Thursday, I went to a forum related to my internship and some research that I am doing on Promise Zones. The Superintendent of Instruction in Michigan shared the following video with us during his speech. It is, in my opinion, compelling enough that I was teary-eyed. I hope only that it inspires you all in the way that it continues to inspire me.

General update.

2007-11-27T19:54:00.001-05:00

With one and a half weeks left in my internship, my fall is winding down. Given the nature of events this fall: moving in with my boyfriend, adjusting to working life, moving out and breaking up with my boyfriend, adjusting to living at home and, now, finishing up my internship, this fall has seemed to be a whirlwind of transitioning for me. It has all gone by so quickly, it's borderline amazing.

And, to cap everything off, I feel like I might be trying to get sick. I started feeling nauseas on Monday morning and, starting about 2 hours ago, it has gotten worse. I know that it is flu season, I only hope that I am not actually getting sick, but that I may have eaten something offensive.

Regardless of my stomach, I am still very happy. This afternoon, my sister and I went shopping for suits. I got two (red and light heather) for just over $100. There was a big sale. I am so glad that I finally got my red suit! For my business wardrobe I have really wanted two things: one red suit and one white suit. One down, one to go. I also have some things coming up this weekend that I am really looking forward to. The first is on Friday. After work I am driving to see my friend, Brent, and we're going to meet up with some others and catch up. The second is on Saturday. I have been really looking forward to talking with my friend Corey, and he finally found some time in his busy schedule for me. So, despite any illness, I have some fun things to look forward to this weekend - I really cannot wait.

In other news, I also got a look at the committees Alma will be on for the National Model UN conference this year. We're prefrencing which committees we want to be on as individuals. I listed three of the four General Assembly Committees (GA Plenary, GA 1st, and GA 2nd). And the fourth preference I made was the African Union. Myself and one other team member, Brittany, generally are assigned to economic committees like GA 2nd and the AU. This year, however, I would like to research some conflict and peace issues. After this summer's trip to the U.K. and learning quite a bit about creating peace after conflict, I have been very interested in it. Also, Stanford Law has, what looks like, an interesting program on international peace negotiation and conflict resolution. Lately, I have been imagining myself as a peace negotiator, though before I settle on this, I need to know if conflict, security, and peace hold my interest (hence me preferencing GA Plen and GA 1st). We'll see, Dr. H said he would have our assignments by the time finals end on Dec. 14. I am very excited to see what I get.

That's it for now. I hope you are all great and wonderful and happy. I love you all!

Love
I Corinthians 13:3-7
Romans 13:8

----------------
Now playing: John Mayer - Split Screen Sadness
via FoxyTunes

Track 4 on the soundtrack of my life

2007-11-24T12:12:00.001-05:00

Landslide

I took my love and I took it down,
I climbed a mountain and I turned around,
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills,
Well the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky,
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Well, I've been afraid of changing
'cause I built my life around you,
But time makes you bolder.
Children get older,
I'm getting older too.

Well... Well, I've been afraid of changing
'cause I built my life around you.
But time makes you bolder,
Children get older,
I'm getting older, too
Well I'm getting older too.

So, take this love and take it down.
And if you climb a mountain and ya turn around.
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills,
Well the landslide brought me down
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills,
Well maybe, Well maybe, Well maybe,
The landslide will bring you down

----------------
Now playing: Dixie Chicks - Landslide
via FoxyTunes

Brief discourse on Life.

2007-11-23T19:42:00.001-05:00

Dear World:

Yes, life is grand. Life is good. Life is a miraculous gift: no matter the challenges it provides.

When I wrote previously, I wrote about how I have been sensing a change in my life. I did not plan on being the instigator of this change, but I was. Over the last week, a very significant part of my life was altered. And, for better or worse, I am having to learn how to live in my new life.

There are personal hurdles associated with adjusting to my new life. I have to reestablish my independence and gather the pieces of myself into a viable person. I have to get my bearings.

Despite these challenges, I am excited for the possibilities and the strength I can gain from this change. There is a conversation I need to have with someone that, until now, I was not prepared to have. I am thrilled. I am petrified.

But this, of course, is why this life is so great. There is such an array of emotion, an array of paths, decisions. Life, no matter whose, is a fantastic journey through both its crests and troughs. I am at peace knowing that this is one challenging step, one challenging sacrifice in order to advance my life and live it to the fullest.

Now, in the following I have included the lyrics of some of the music that I listened to while I wrote this blog.
This song really should get its own post. An old friend first told me about this band, and this song reminds me of him every time. Hopefully, he likes this song as much as I do. This song inspires me to repair the hurt I have inflicted in my past.
----------------
Now playing: Sanctus Real - Don't Give Up
via FoxyTunes

I heard you say you would love for a lifetime
Now you complain a lifetime just doesn't feel right for you
Another casualty of casual love
Another soul out of place, a heart that gave up

Why do we break the promises we make?
Are we living for ourselves?

Don't give up on love and throw it all away
Don't give up on love and let it fall away
When did it become so easy to run from your pain
Don't give up on love and throw it all away

I heard you say you can't change a stubborn heart
I can relate 'cause that's how I feel when I talk with you

Why should it take losing everything
to realize it might be time to change?

Don't give up on love and throw it all away
Don't give up on love and let it fall away
When did it become so easy to run from your pain
Don't give up on love and throw it all away

Your restless heart won't win 'cause you take but you don't give
And you'll keep moving on until you learn what love is

Don't give up on love and throw it all away
Don't give up on love and let it fall away
Don't give up on love

Peace and Love to you all.

Love
I Corinthians 13:3-7
Romans 13:8

In transistion.

2007-11-13T00:50:00.001-05:00

There is something brewing. Somewhere inside of myself, I feel a change.

As soon as I began to become comfortable -or certain-with the person I have become, I realize that I have much farther to venture before I am the someone I was made to be.

Old habits are tough to break, but I know that as long as I remain persistent: I will be the person I need to be. I will apologize to those I have wronged; I will embrace those I have ignored; and I will love everyone that I have hated.

Love
I Corinthians 13: 3-7
Romans 13: 8

----------------
Now playing: Casting Crowns - East to West
via FoxyTunes

Conlusions derived of a Board of Education meeting:

2007-10-09T22:54:00.001-04:00

Random psychological observation:

People can be negative in their positivity.
(and positive in their negativity.)

Also,

lack of tact, is tacky.
(i.e. there is no excuse to speak down to anyone, ever.)

Fin.

Love
I Corinthians 13: 3-7
Romans 13: 8

Update.

2007-09-16T11:24:00.001-04:00

I have had some wonderful opportunities in the past week or so. The foremost is having dinner with Madeleine Albright, the first female Secretary of State of the United States (under President Clinton). Though I sat at the table with her, unfortunately, with the set up I did not talk to her as much as I would have liked. In fact, the most I got in was thanking her and shaking her hand. After all the hype of the event and being asked to dine with her, I had been hoping to speak with her more--one on one. Oh well, I met her. She is a wonderful and kind lady.

In other news, I was also scheduled to staff the governor on Thursday for an event she was attending to advocate the Michigan Promise scholarship. That didn't happen, unfortunately. Largely, it was a fault in communication. I am not to concerned with this because I know that I will have many, many opportunities to meet and work with/next to the Governor. Education and jobs are priorities for her and working under her education advisor ensures these opportunities in the future.

I am still poor. I have to wait to hear about the Yehle Scholarship and I have not heard back from any of the places that I applied to so far about jobs. Andrew highlighted a bunch in the Michigan Daily for me. I had been planning on looking and going to get applications yesterday (Saturday), but I ended up getting a free ticket to see Michigan v. Notre Dame. It was a good game, but it became boring in the second half because the Wolverines were dominating so strongly. It was a shut-out. 38-0, U of M. I am happy they won, though I am not a huge fan. Their win ensures that this house is a happy and enjoyable place to be. So, U of M's record is 1-2. State's is 3-0. It will be interesting to see how next week goes.

I need to get a job, but I think I am going to have to do it during this week because my weekend is full. Carley, my cousin, is getting married on Sat the 22. It is a really informal wedding, but the party afterward should be really fun. I hope Andrew decides to go, just because Stephanie will be with Jared. I am not sure if anyone I really know will be there. I could hang out with my mom? She's pretty cool, but we'll see.

Today, I have to do my homework and hope my allergies clear up. I hope you are all well.

Peace.

Love
I Corinthians 13: 3-7
Romans 13: 8

New phase in life.

2007-09-03T11:40:00.002-04:00

Hello to all who may or may not read this.

I am writing to quickly update the small and very important portion of the world that cares enough to check my blog regardless of infrequent updates.

My life is taking a significant step in some unknown direction, hopefully forward. After contemplation, I decided on a full-time internship with Governor Granholm, analyzing education policy in her executive office. I am very excited for this opportunity. Though, admittedly, I am nervous. In addition to interning 43 hours a week, I am trying to find a part-time job to help cover the living costs. I will be commuting to Lansing and I need to be able to pay for gas, parking, food, some rent, and a cellular phone (for security).

It is liberating, in a way, to be working and not have to be doing homework all the time. We'll see how long I maintain that view. Change is refreshing. Just being in a new town is nice. Now, I need to somehow remain committed to the person I have become over the last few months. It becomes easy to revert to old behaviors when busy/stressed/overcoming new challenges - I don't want to come to that. The beauty that I saw and encountered over the summer I need and want to retain for the rest of my life. I want to be able to reinvigorate that feeling with experiences here, at home. To do this, I think the most important commitment I need to make is one to myself. I have, for the last 2 or 3 years, been lost in what I assume others expect of me. I was unhappy. For now, I believe the best thing for me to do is to return to the parts of myself that freed me when I was younger - music and art. My life has largely been void of these things for the past 2 years. Not only did these things give me time to focus, reflect, and find clarity but they gave me one of the most valuable things to proper self-happiness - time with myself. I also want to continue to write in my journal - something that I have tried to do for years with little success until my experience in Peru this summer. I am hopeful.

Also, Corey, I am very happy that you liked the baby bunny. I am glad someone could borrow the joy that I found from it. I hope your classes are going well and that you are finding time to smile.

Peace.

Love
I Corinthians 13: 3-7
Romans 13: 8

Life is Better With Baby Bunnies!

2007-08-31T00:17:00.001-04:00

When did this change?

2007-07-22T15:46:00.002-04:00

I feel obligated to be around people or to allow people to be around me. A feeling of guilt sweeps over me when I tell someone that "I don´t want to go with" them or "don´t want to do that." I create reasons why I don´t have time or don´t feel well. For a few days at least I genuinely was not feeling well. My insides disappeared and all my shrivelled thoughts fed my solitary, disgusting pain. I honestly doubt that I would have been able to hold myself together with so many people around. Not that I would have sobbed all over the damn place, but I know how vacant I must have looked. One hell of a downer. It would have been one of those "I-miss-you-most-when-I-am-happy" things and I would ruin it for the whole lot. I was even explaining to people that my not going was doing them a favor. How saintly of me.

But now, having reached a static, dull, numbness, I should be able to at least fake interest in involvement with other people. However, what motivation do I have? I lack even enough guilt or concern to try being "okay."

Maybe it´s because I am not okay. Maybe this is the Denial step or whatever step follows Anger - listlessness? - depression? - apathy. Is apathy a step? Perhaps a "sub-step"? What about utter repulsion at the thought of having to put effort into anything? I think that is more than apathy. Resentment? Hate? Misdirected coping mechanism. . .Maybe it is jealousy. Envy. Maybe I covet their carefree attitude. I wish I could ignore these feelings and live ignorantly. Yes. It must be envy. They all seem so happy. They could care less for consequences. They are naive enough to think distance is inpenatrable. They taste everything and never cringe from the bitter aftertaste. They are young and uninvested and free to be self-absorbed. Free to be self-interested. Free from thought. Is jealousy a sub-step? Coveting ignorance or innocence. . .I think innocence is asking a bit much.

I want to be ignorant. I want to "think" I know the emotions well enough to enjoy them, but not well enough to feel the pain when life happens. This is my sub-step: Wishing I never had understood the truth. What comes next? There are 12-step plans for everything. I am sure there is one for broken hearts. BHA. I never want to meet with them though. . .I don´t feel like even trying. BHA: A Highly Ineffective 12-Step Support Group. In the same sick way I don´t care about anything right now, I am finding this BHA stuff to be B-List entertainment.

In conclusion, I feel like hell and I don´t want to feel differently except that I know I HAVE to feel differently because somone has given me a lot of money to keep my ass in gear and ignore personal issues.

El fin.

When We Two Parted

2007-07-18T09:37:00.002-04:00

When we two parted

In silence and tears,

Half broken-hearted

To sever the years,

Pale grew thy cheek and cold,

Colder, thy kiss;

Truly that hour foretold

Sorrow to this. . .

Lord Byron

Love

I Corinthians 13:3-7

Yet again, not at Mass.

2007-07-08T11:35:00.001-04:00

Sometimes, I wonder what my host family must think. . . I wonder if they care that I never go to mass with them.

I went once. Friday before Father´s Day, they had a evening mass that I went to. I don´t think I would be able to "get into it." For one thing, it is held in Spanish and I do not understand enough to know exactly what they are saying. But, on the other hand, Mass here is like Mass pretty much anywhere - so, I do know what is going on. Oddly enough.

In lieu of Mass, I am chatting with Andrew. It is tough with the time difference and our schedules. If we chat in the morning, he is normally in class. If we chat in the afternoon, he is out exploring Krakow. And, if we chat in the evening, it is bedtime in Krakow. And I sleep when he wakes up. Our chat sessions have been brief, but something is better than nothing.

Also, I am feeling better. I have gotten over my infection and, though weak, would like to have some fun with my friends here. But, they are both in school and nights are mostly for homework. I look forward to spending some more time with them though. Maybe occupy some of my downtime. . . not feel so lonely. It is amazing the distance language can put between people. I try and I am getting better, but it´s definitely not the same.

I hope I can use my shower today. Carmen´s does NOT warm. And, I would like to shower in warm water if at all possible. It´s cold enough here already. It´s almost beautiful how my skin hurts so much from the goosebumps. . .almost.

Semper pax.

Random beauty: Ray LaMontagne · Goosebumps · The irrational fear that hangs in the air immediately after you awake from nightmares · Soggy corn flakes floating in strawberry yogurt · "Someday when all my prayers are answered, I´ll hear a footstep on the stair. With anxious heart, I´ll hurry to the door - maybe you´ll be there. . ." Diana Krall · "Call me Ishmael." · Braided hair · Hallelujah ·

Love

I Corinthians 13:3-7

Reflective. . .

2007-07-04T22:06:00.002-04:00

To begin, happy Independence Day everyone.

Okay, with that out of my system, I will move on to what this entry is really about - internships. My plans to study in Ecuador this fall have not panned out. Instead, I am applying for some internships. Most of them are in DC; however, there are two also in Lansing. I am excited with the possibilities.

Isn´t life great? Everyday is new, fresh and exciting. Every moment changes who you are and what you will become. When I consider the possible paths life can take. . . I am unable to describe it. Maybe in a few days I will know. I am certain, however, that I am grateful for every noun in my life - especially those that need capitalization.

This entry is taking on a very different emphasis - random beauty in my life:
"Crop circles in the carpet, sinking feeling. . ." Imogen Heap · Paint laying on hair · Genuine smiles · The dismissive/annoyed/sexual/anxietal/ etc. tension between people who avoid eye contact when dancing · How love interest echos in gazes that are seconds too long · Wrinkles in line-dried clothing · Silence · Changing first impressions · Wishing I had a dictionary when I read Infinite Jest · "That everyday feels so incomplete until you walk into the room. . ." David Gray · Nouns that need capitalization · Hearing your favorite song-twice · Cupids arrows · Gratitude so sincere you could never know how genuine it is · Faith · The constellation of freckles on old womans´hands · Closed toe shoes with laces · Innocence · Having people think you are crazy when you laugh at an inside joke in public · Edward Elgar · Gustav´s Modonna ·

Love

I Corinthians 13:3 -7

Update.

2007-06-29T22:45:00.002-04:00

Because I am bored and have nothing else to do, I remembered that I have one of these Blogger accounts. Noting this, I thought it would be a great time to update the thing. Of course, now that I am here and have to actually type in the update - I hesitate to continue further. . .I will be brief.

I am in Peru. I am volunteering and conducting field research. I will be here for four more weeks.
I got a severe infection while in Peru. Lesson learned: do not stop drinking water.
I am 20 years old now. This monumentous year signifies nothing monumental save that I have lived in Michigan equally as long as I lived in Utah, my dog -Muusta - is 10 years old this year, and I am getting older.
I was in Hawaii and Mexico earlier this summer. Hawaii to present research. Mexico to help coordinate the Common Table Project.
Despite prior plans to go to Ecuador this fall, I have been applying for internships in Washington D.C. I would much prefer being in the U.S. where I can have contact with family and friends more frequently.
I listen to sappy romantic songs almost anytime I listen to music nowadays. I do not know why I do this.
I have been craving food not soaked in partially hydrogenated vegetable oil, not covered in MSG or NaCl, not processed to the point that I have no fiber in my diet. Health food, what?
When I get home, I am walking my dog and watching the Notebook - after, I eat a bag full of grapes and stuff my face with brown rice and NO SALT.
I am going to England for two weeks for a Conflict Resolution thingy.
I miss Andrew.

Tag You're It

2007-04-19T23:42:00.001-04:00

Tag You're It

The rules are: Once you have been tagged, you must write a blog with ten, weird, random things, little known facts, or habits about yourself. At the end you choose 10 people to be tagged, list their names and why you chose them. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "you are tagged" and tell them to read your latest blog.

Alright... since you asked, you shall receive... here's 10 random things/little known facts/habits about yours truly:

1. I passionately believe in the human capacity to commit acts of love, and to do so often.

2. I am definitely NOT a morning person, despite grand attempts to be such. I would sleep 14 hours plus if the world would allow me .

3. I believe in soul mates and the eternity of relationships created within a lifetime.

4. I am quite fond of extremely soggy cereal (and I use too much milk).

5. I am afraid of commitment.

6. I sincerely enjoy privacy and, sadly, I will often neglect relationships to achieve it.

7. I am uncomfortable when people admire me. My life is not difficult and I owe a lot of what I do to my parents.

8. My heart is screwed up and I pretend like I have fixed it.

9. I would like to get married before my grandfather passes away. I doubt it will work out. I can't commit and I'll be too busy.

10. Sometimes, I want to run away, hop from town to town, making money only by doing odd jobs, meeting strange and wonderful people, having no one know me.

I'm going to Myspace tag:

Steph- she's my seester.

Alex- he's a great guy.

Ryan- he'll say something hilarious.

Taylor - she's my relative and she'd gonna do one anyway!

Chelsea- she's a great pal from my past.

Molly- weird stuff happens to us at the same time and I'm returning the favor.

Zach- I never see him.

Tara- she's amazing. period.

Chelli- she won't BS you- or me.

Holly- we got close during Girl's State and, unfortunately, we lost touch.

Impatience.

2007-04-07T14:46:00.002-04:00

I am going crazy waiting to hear back about my internship apps. I really just want to know, so I can plan my summer! Esp. if I end up in Africa - I need vaccinations ASAP. I had been hoping to at least hear about the USUN internship for the fall - so, if I got accepted, I wouldn't have to do my Off-Campus studies statement. I didn't get an email from the State Dept.,so - alas! I must write the silly statement.

So, besides that -

My Honors Day presentation went well. Unfortunately, I ran out of time and didn't cover all my points. I don't think fifteen minutes is a fair amount of time to explain a year of research. At least when I am in Chicago, I will have an hour and the people there will be more familiar with my topic so I won't waste time explaining things.

Also, last night (which would be Fri. the 6th) we had our final choir concert for the year. We performed "St. John's Passion" by J. Bach. It lasted about two hours and was pretty boring. Luckily, during the long portions when my choir wasn't singing we were able to sit down. Not that it really made a difference for me. No one could see me from the audience; I got stuck standing behind the organ! It was ridiculous. To make matters worse, I had been in a crabby mood because I had been having trouble breathing. It feels a bit better now, but I am still taking it easy.

I am pretty much ready for the year to be over. Anyone else?

Yes, it's like world domination my friends.

2007-03-29T22:28:00.002-04:00

Model UN Team Wins Top Award

For the 11th straight year, the Alma College Model United Nations team has captured the top award at the National Model UN Conference.

Competing in New York City March 20 through 25, Alma student delegations representing Algeria and Fiji each received “outstanding delegation” recognition. This is the 11th straight year that at least one Alma student delegation has been awarded the top honor and the sixth time in seven years that Alma has had two “outstanding delegations” at the national conference.

Alma’s two delegations also received “outstanding” recognition for the quality of their written submissions. In addition, six students received “outstanding” recognition for their individual accomplishments.

“The Alma students had the best performance of any school at the conference,” said Derick “Sandy” Hulme, faculty advisor. “It was the finest performance of any Model UN Team that Alma has had and the finest performance I’ve seen in 15 years. What is remarkable is that this is the youngest team we’ve ever had with two 10 freshmen, 10 sophomores, seven juniors and four seniors. So the best is yet to come.”

Alma has claimed 18 “outstanding” delegations at the national conference in the last 13 years.

The national conference is the largest and most prestigious collegiate Model UN competition in the world, with 4,500 students competing on behalf of more than 270 colleges and universities from 31 countries.

Model UN attempts to replicate the real United Nations in a competitive manner. Teams of college students take on identities of countries, and delegates from each country meet in committee to propose, discuss and debate topics ranging from finance to refugees to AIDS. Once resolutions are completed in committee, they are presented to the Model UN replication of the UN General Assembly to be further debated before the assembly votes on resolutions.

Algerian delegation:

Jim Allen, Harbor Springs sophomore
David Bechtold, Idaho Falls, Idaho, freshman
Rachel Blackhurst, Midland freshman
Christopher Chesney, Riverview freshman
Rachel Dotson, Chelsea junior
Lindsay Dunbar, Cadillac senior
Denise Elowsky, East Tawas freshman
Drew Emge, Bay City sophomore
Elizabeth Espinosa, Ann Arbor senior
Dan Fraser, Lexington sophomore
Rachel Gerds, Kalamazoo junior
Taylor Gibson, Gowen freshman
Avis Groath, Clinton Township junior
Kristen Haight, Cadillac sophomore
Danielle Jellison, Ithaca freshman
Annie Jennings, Augusta freshman
Kimberly Joki, Greenville sophomore
Lorna Kilborn, Harbor Springs junior
Brittany Law, Hartland sophomore
Emily Neil, Midland freshman
Samantha Pavolko, Grand Ledge sophomore
Aaron Pooley, Reed City sophomore
Josh Robare, Hillsdale junior
Emelia Shroyer, Decatur junior
Toshia Williams, Southfield senior

Fiji delegation:

Amanda Brewster, Jenison junior
Meredith Campbell, East Lansing sophomore
Letha Dolza, Davisburg freshman
Stephen Helzerman, Riverdale sophomore
Sandra McCormick, Dimondale freshman
Emilee Syrewicze, Luther junior

Individual “outstanding” delegates:

Jim Allen, Harbor Springs sophomore
David Bechtold, Idaho Falls, Idaho, freshman
Rachel Dotson, Chelsea junior
Lindsay Dunbar, Cadillac senior
Elizabeth Espinosa, Ann Arbor senior
Kim Joki, Greenville sophomore

Long time, most definitely.

2007-03-14T12:17:00.001-04:00

Hello to you silly ones who take time to keep coming back here despite my infrequent updates.

Hopefully, you are excited that I have finally returned - though only briefly.

I just though, while I am stalling time here at work, that I should update this blog. And so - here goes:

I am pretty busy. Deadlines all come at one time, but ( as Andrew kindly reminds me) I wouldn't have it any other way. However, the ONLY big issue is - I am getting busy enough that I am forgetting to do things - significant things. For example, forgetting I had an econ exam and then remembering one day before the exam. Needless to say, I doubt I did well. One can hope.

I have also fallen in love with some new musical geniuses and, although you may be tempted to dismiss this comment, heed it. These are geniuses. Listen for yourself - courtesy of finetune.com. And in order of greatest amount of geniusness to least:

Ray LaMontagne: I have never heard a voice like his before. People relate it to Bob Dylan, which I can understand, but Ray's is just. . . well, it is different. Additionally, he is a great lyricist. Songs worth noting: " Can I Stay?" "Trouble" and "Empty"

John Mayer: his newest album, Continuum evokes a vast array of emotions. And, of course, who couldn't appreciate his amazing poetic talent. Lyrics like " Roll outta bed and down on your knees, the waking up is the hardest part. . . dreaming with a broken heart" could make you cry. . .

ok g2g

Hola!

2007-02-04T01:36:00.001-05:00

Bad week -it hurts.

I don't wanna talk about it.

I love you all and I hope life treats you well.

Kimberly

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and so on.

2007-01-17T00:52:00.001-05:00

Well, I am back at Alma. We started our Winter Term last Monday the 9th. With Model UN and other obligations, including my classes - I have very quickly found myself never lacking anything to do.

While this last week and one half has been standard, I am rejoicing and struggling with some things:

This year's recruitment effort for MUN has been entirely fruitful. Of 26 new students signed up for the class, only one has quit after the first week. Typically, the team sees a dropout rate of about 42%. This year has been entirely different and I am glad.
For 8 days I have been highly successful at managing my time and having the commitment to hit the Rec daily. Likewise, I am trying to improve my overall health, fitness, and happiness by setting goals that I am confident I can achieve. Like last year, I want to make a lifestyle change. Not just a goal to tone up and lose some fat -I want to have a healthy routine of caring for myself.
In happiest news, Andrew came to visit me last Friday.
In saddest news, he had to go back to Ann Arbor. It gets more difficult to say goodbye everytime. It's not that we don't - we have both become familiar with it as a common theme in our relationship - but it seems to suck a little more then the last time. Surprisingly, I feel that missing him will be the greatest challenge I will face over the next week/month/year. . . who knows. I used to be good at preoccupying my mind when I missed him; now? I seem to be losing my gift. I miss him a lot and almost constantly. Maybe, the memories from winter break are still too fresh.
On a completely different note, I need the motivation to fill out some important applications this week. I am hoping something profound will inspire me at around 9 am Saturday. Whatever divinity there may be, I hope it is on my side for this one.

Hmmm. . . . and I guess I will leave you (whichever person you are that I love so much), I will leave you with a challenge. You are responsible for finding something you love and genuinely appreciate inside of someone you do not love and appreciate. There is no time limit and there is no system of accountability, but try it. I will too.

I love you all (esp. Runibega).

Kimberly

Happy Christmas.

2006-12-23T12:10:00.001-05:00

Today is the third best day of the year. It is, of course, Christmas Eve-Eve. I know not everyone agrees with me, but Christmas is one of the rare times during the year worthy of recognition. And, it isn't just Christmas. It is the entire holiday season, including: Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Christmas, and Boxing Day.

At our house we celebrate Christmas, though we are not a Christian family. My father and sister do not believe in the Christian God and growing up, this meant that our Christmas was centred around the unification of the family and sharing love. Love, of course, it what makes the holiday season worthy of celebration. It is the only time of year the country turns off for the sake of family and love. Granted, some people only see it as another Labor Day. However, if those individuals have free time, where do you think most of them are spending it? Most likely at home, with people they love.

Yes, there is a commercial component to the holiday season. But, what kind of person allows commercials and sales ruin the reason for the season. If someone lets marketing tactics interfere with his enjoyment of the season - I blame him. He must be certain of why the season is important to him, and not concern himself with the economics of it. Christmas is a season for love and selfless giving - if it has strayed too far from this, each individual is responsible to change it.

I love Christmas because my family can be together - something that happens less often as I get older. I love Christmas because I can spend quality time with my best friends: Stephanie, Andrew, Brent and Corey. I love Christmas because of the jingle bells and silver bells. I love Christmas because of the cookies and cocoa. I love Christmas because of the lights and the smells. I love Christmas because the true beauty of human fellowship comes through.

Have a very happy Christmas.

Home again.

2006-12-14T22:38:00.001-05:00

Yes, that it right.

I am home! It feels good.

Finals are almost over. . .

2006-12-12T00:04:00.001-05:00

Yay. . . I have one more final and then an essay and I am done for the term!

My history final is tomorrow at 9 am and my final essay exam is due Wed.

I can't wait to go home and make Christmas happen!

Ha ha. . . oh man.

2006-12-01T22:13:00.001-05:00

A Response:

2006-11-30T01:21:00.001-05:00

I have been lucky enough to experience love.

It is a feeling that separates you from the world; you are no longer cognizant of the million other things that are waiting to be done - the million other things that have been waiting to be done.

You are able to escape the term papers, the presentations, and the expectations. Love lets you escape all the stress and dissolve into something lucid and perfect, the world you've created with the person you love.

And, you're right, being with the one you love - that interaction- is unjust; as soon as the interaction stops, you are torn from the comfort and returned to a place where nothing seems to work out, happiness is unexpected, and everything you do seems like a mistake. You return to the real world.

El dia de gracias

2006-11-23T20:40:00.001-05:00

To begin, I hope that everyone has had a happy thanksgiving day - including those of you who boycott it for historical protest.

My day has been just fine. I decided to sleep in and then took a 3 hour nap. Apparently, I was tired.

The ignition for the oven broke. So, after my mother prepared dinner at my uncle's home, we ate a typical thanksgiving meal. Sadly, that was the first family meal that we have all had together in months. The conversation wasn't great, but it was nice to hear what everyone was thankful for.

To end, I hope everyone has something or someone that they are grateful for.

Love Songs

2006-11-18T00:46:00.001-05:00

Favorite lyrics:

"I had to find you, tell you I need you, tell you I set you apart." Coldplay

"I need you so much closer." Death Cab for Cutie

"Time goes by so slowly, and time can do so much. Are you still mine? I need your love. I need your love. God speed your love to me." The Righteous Brothers

"Would you know my name, if I saw you in heaven?" Eric Clapton

"Someday if all my prayers are answered, I'll hear a footstep on the stair- With anxious heart I'll hurry to the door and maybe you'll be there." Diana Krall

"Anyplace you wanna go, know I'll be next to you." Dave Matthews Band

"A thousand miles seems pretty far, but they've got planes and trains and cars - I'd walk to you if I had no other way. Our friends would all make fun of us, we'd just laugh along because we know none of them have felt this way." Plain White T's

"You've been the only thing that's right, in all I've done. I can barely look at you, but every single time I do, I know we'll make it anywhere from here." Snow Patrol

"I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images and, when we kiss, they're perfectly aligned." Iron and Wine

"Let me know that you need me. Let that be enough." Switchfoot

"You give your hand to me and then you say hello. And I can hardly speak, my heart is beating so." Ray Charles

" In a haze, a stormy haze, I'll be round. I'll be loving you always." Coldplay

"When the storm comes, you shelter me. I don't say a word and you know exactly what I mean. In the darkest times you shine on me. You set me free. Steady as we go." Dave Matthews Band

"I can't take my eyes off you. I can't my eyes off you. I can't my eyes off you." Damien Rice

"I wanna live life and never be cruel. I wanna live life and be good to you." Coldplay

"You do something wonderful, to chase it all away. . .You do something to me, something deep inside." Paul Weller

"I came here with a load and it feels so much lighter, now that I met you. And honey you should know that I could never go on without you." Coldplay

Exams, Elections, and Ecclesiastes

2006-11-09T12:16:00.001-05:00

This week has been a strange mix of joy, excitement, stress, and frustration. I have had an exam everyday this week. And, unfortunately, there was little more I could have done to prepare for it - although, we all know that isn't the honest truth. I could have made more time. Regardless, these exams have contributed a significant amount of stress to my life. After this week, however, exams will be done for a while and I will be able to preoccupy myself with other important tasks attached to fast-approaching deadlines.

While this is schedule has been frustrating, I have found some relief. The recent elections have been a well-spring of excitement for me. I had hoped and told myself that the Democrats would be able to take the Hill, but I wasn't absolute. It's very difficult to believe they actually did it. I'm afraid someone cheated. I don't want to think that they would, but it seems so surreal that they gained a majority in the Senate (two of those seats, however, are actually held by Independents, who said they will caucus with the Democrats). In addition, Donald Rumsfeld has resigned at the request of our military leaders in Iraq. Let's hope that Bush's nominee makes some intelligent and necessary changes to the U.S. approach to Iraq. Overall, American politics over the last week has left me with a uncharacteristic positive feeling.

During this week I have spent a lot of time fulfilling extra-curricular obligations. One, last night, was the Center for Responsible Leadership Seminar with West Cosgrove. His message was different than what I have heard from other speakers. His proposal is that to improve leadership, we all need to voluntarily knock ourselves down and experience suffering. By doing this we broaden our understanding of being human - we become more whole. I agree.

While I was reflecting on his advice, I came across this:
For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow. Ecclesiastes 1:18

To me this points out a valuable lesson: To learn we must experience grief and sorrow. And, conversely, knowledge brings sorrow. When we leave our ignorance we have a responsibility. West talked about how many people in the United States are scared of knowing how people suffer in the developing world because of the guilt that comes along with it. I think that, while it is true that knowing reality is burdened with grief and guilt, the joy and peace you gain when you reach out to help those who are suffering is infinitely stronger. To know suffering, to be surrounded by it, is important to experience. But, I think it is silly to avoid suffering because of your own guilt and fear. I wish everyone could trust that while the experience is difficult, the rewards that come from it are so much more valuable.

Weakness. . .

2006-11-01T20:08:00.001-05:00

"Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character." - Albert Einstein

I am guilty. I am guilty of judging others quickly and severely for weaknesses I see in them. When an individual has doubt in their heart, feels he or she to be uncapable, or gives up - I struggle to maintain respect for that individual. It is tragic for me to see so many people that think so little of themselves. It is equally tragic to see so many others that degrade others to stay balanced on their own feet.

Anyone who knows what "type D" means - will know that this inability to accept weakness is characteristic of dominant personalities like my own. Anyone who is a "D" can understand why I am sick of people failing; I am sick of people not participating; I am sick of people settling! If you want to live a life feeling sorry for yourself, that is your choice, but I cannot promise that I will be able to tolerate you for very long.

The most universal manifestation of weakness is in attitude. Albert Einstein's quote expresses, in my opinion, the the essence of weakness - peoples' outlooks are staining their characters. I see people everyday who seem not to care - who go day to day without any belief in themselves. These people prevade negativity and pollute the world with their fragility.

Although, I realize I should not judge others for anything. I am struggling not to walk up to these individuals and yell:

"Get a freaking backbone!"

Mid-Term Break, baby!

2006-10-19T20:38:00.001-04:00

Thank goodness that Fall Break began Wednesday at 2:30. I may not have made it much longer! I know, I know - it is a bit dramatic - but Wednesday was darn rough. This weekend is going to be great! I spent today with my mom, shopping for Andrew's birthday. Tomorrow, I cannot wait to drive to see Andrew and help him celebrate his 20th. He came to Alma to see me last weekend and I am so happy that I can see him for a second weekend in a row. Furthermore, I need good quiet time. Being in Greenville is nice, but when I am with Andrew I am a lot more calm. On Saturday I am coming home, but I will get to visit with Gramps. I haven't had a chance to talk with him recently, and I am anxious to get his perspective on what is going on. His opinion means more to me than anyone else in my life. I'm grateful to have someone like him around. I'll be back in Alma Sunday, and I'll be catching up with Brett.

I hope everyone is enjoying their break! I'll see you all back at school!

Life

2006-10-04T19:22:00.001-04:00

“When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure” - Peter Marshall

I am tired. I feel like I have too much to do and much to little time. Today wasn't a bad day - not in the slightest. Compared to the last few weeks, today was amazing. My first oral exam in spanish was simpler than I had thought. I feel that I did well on my Econ exam. I am still on cloud nine from the flattery of KI's open bid. Nevertheless, I am tired. I am worn down by what I have done, but more daunting is what I have yet to do. Sometimes, I think I am part of a machine. I am a gear: molded just so, fitting with others just so, turning and turning - just so. Today, albeit a great day, was a haze. I simply march from one place to another, not thinking. I hate feeling like a drone.

I need something inspirational. I hoped Bob Dole or George McGovern might get me going, but no such luck. Maybe with time? Until then, I will keep working for what I think I want to do with my life.

Prepare to Laugh. . .

2006-09-22T18:42:00.001-04:00

If you want anything done, ask a busy person. . .

2006-09-12T23:34:00.001-04:00

. . .well perhaps not too busy a person.

School has only just begun and it feels as if it is in full swing. Although, considering that the term is finished in 12 more academic weeks-the haste is understandable.

For the most part, I enjoy my classes. My Early Euro. Law/History course is amazing, regardless of the massive reading it entails. Professor Smith is energetic and makes lecture ?fun? - imagine that! I think I dislike Econ. Not that my preference matters a hill of beans because I need to do the work anyway.

Also, I have been surprisingly committed to continue running while I am at school. I run a half hour, six days a week. I am proud to say there is progress both mentally and physically: not only is my body becoming familiar with the activity, but my mind is finding other things to fixate on besides my lack of oxygen. Today, I was able to focus on the news. Some idiot said some ridiculous thing -of which is, unfortunately, escaping me. It was good though. I had to keep myself from blurting something moderately obscene at the television. Maybe that would have made everyone else's workout more interesting. . .undoubtably so.

On a more personal note, I still miss summer. On the 12 of September, however, I am too busy to dwell. That is perhaps the best aspect of being busy; one does so much that one neglects the negatives in order to increase efficiency. Others may feel that this effect isn't as virtuous as I believe it to be. To them I say: "This is me blog, dog. Don't like? Deal." The fact is, time spent daydreaming about June, July, and August is dwindling - for better or worse.

That will be it. Till next time. . .

Hello September.

2006-09-01T23:04:00.001-04:00

It is September the first and, unlike many of my peers, I am not yet on campus. Now that most everyone I care about has gone away for school-or for vacation, I have nothing better to do than wait and hope my packing takes all day tomorrow. You see:

Andrew left today for Ann Arbor. It has been a 'blah' day. It was inevitable, yes, but nontheless saddening. We've handled much worse situations, to be sure. So, why does this seem to knock the wind out of me? Today I had to force myself to stay preoccupied. I spent some time this morning dancing. I cut my sister's hair. I walked with her to pick up her check, get her lip ring changed, and eat lunch. The trip took a brief hour and a half. I surfed the internet. I napped. I talked with missionaries. I watched a foreign film. I even laid with my mother for a bit. All of this, and I still couldn't really shake it. Maybe I got too used to seeing him everyday. We were very lucky. On top of this, I only feel like we have grown closer over the summer (depite my month 7,000 miles south). The stronger bond, with the unknown of when we will see each other next, has made today unpleasant. I am wishing I had gone to school today - perhaps then I would have busied my mind more successfully. Oh well, as sad as it is, the facts are that we have been through this before, and we have done it while coping with other challenges. I wouldn't miss him if it wasn't so good between us. No use being sad over evidence of something so good, right? Right.

Summer is over. Only 8 months. . .that doesn't sound so bad. : )

I wish you all the best. . .also, here are the pictures of my sister's hair:

This is what it is like when summer ends.

2006-08-28T20:16:00.001-04:00

Andrew and I spent our last Sunday together in Ludington. After a hike to the lighthouse, a beach stroll, a cat nap in the car, and a sunset on the pier, I hate that summer is leaving us.

Home again.

2006-08-14T19:36:00.001-04:00

This is my family - Team Prickly Cholla Brush (PCB). These wonderful people were a major component of my leadership experience at the Ghost Ranch in Abiquiq, New Mexico. For those of you who may not know, I was in New Mexico this past week, at a leadership seminar for Alma's Center for Responsible Leadership. My experience was surprisingly eye-opening. I was challenged. My family helped me confront some flaws in my leadership style and step outside my comfort-zone. Through numerous activities we did, I learned about myself and what I can improve on. Also, the rest of the learning community was extremely supportive and many are anxious to help me reach my goal of universal recognition of the basic human rights of women and children. I am excited to work with them to fundraise over the next year - I want to raise $50, 000 dollars for a local domestic abuse center.

As amazing as the week was - I am ready to enjoy some time with my sister and Andrew.

New Music!

2006-08-04T18:35:00.001-04:00

Oooo- I enjoy it.

Terra Naomi - "Say It's Possible"

Forgetting about the photos

2006-08-03T19:15:00.001-04:00

We played tennis, went swimming and had not taken pictures. . .

We lounged around watching movies and had not taken pictures. . .

We spent the day at the beach and had not taken pictures. . .

We had a key made and inspected the migrant housing at Klackles:

Peru by Picture Tour

2006-07-27T14:18:00.001-04:00

As you probably expect, I have many more pitures I would love to share with everyone. Unfortunately Blogger will only allow me to upload 5 photos. These are some of my favorite memories from my time in Peru. In the first one I am with one of our abuelas, Eulogia. We are standing in front of the cart she uses to make her living. Whenever we visited her we were sure to try some of her soda. My favorite was the pinapple flavored. The second photograph is of some of my friends and I during our horseback riding trip through the mountains near Huaraz. Next - a rather silly picture of my buddies in the Chan Chan ruins outside of Trujillo. The fourth is a group picture of everyone who helped repaint Los Martincitos. Not only did the paint give the center a fresh face, but we had a great time getting the job done. Finally, is a picture of myself, Tom, and Missy at the beach below Barranco. Sven, sadly, is taking the picture. The four of us had a great time that night. Not only was it my first time swimming in the Pacific Ocean, but I got to know those three well.

I'm home.

2006-07-25T23:13:00.001-04:00

It was amazing.

I love Peru.

2006-07-10T21:27:00.001-04:00

I have been in Peru for the last three weeks and I have two more weeks left. I have come to the conclusion that I love Peru and, if I could, I would live here for a year or so. My placement at Los Martincitos is much better than I anticipated. On MWF the the elderly in need come into the center and recieve two hot meals and a social atmosphere. I help prepare food, serve food, do activities with the abuelitos (cute grandparents), and do very little paperwork. On T, Th, I visit those abuelos that are too ill to come into the center. We go into their homes and provide company. Sometimes there are desperate situations that we have had to deal with. In general, however, people mostly just want love.

As far as travelling, I have been lucky enough to visit Huaraz, Trujillo, and Chiclayo. All were wonderful. I much prefer the smaller cities and towns of Peru to Lima. If it is financially feasible I would like to visit Huacachina this weekend, but we shall see.

I hope everything is going well at home. See you soon!

Cyanide and Happiness

2006-06-15T15:42:00.001-04:00

I laughed. . . out loud.

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

I'm struggling: Is the real problem money?

2006-06-13T12:44:00.002-04:00

Everyday it seems that there is not enough money. When all I pull from my pockets at the end of the day is an addictive tube of lip balm and a hair tie among balls of navy-colored lint, I get depressed. However, this isn't a post about my financial issues. Although I do have a number myself (attending a private college and having no job creates a seemingly infinite need for green). My concern is the broader issue of distribution and global demand for more money to fund more services for more people. Is it the real issue?

As I learn more about the world, I am finding that very few people of the six plus billion can honestly afford to "waste" money. Arguably, this group of comfortable individuals is shrinking--greater amounts of money is being funneled into fewer bank accounts. Accordingly, larger groups of people worldwide are running out of things to empty their pockets of. There is a correlated strain on service institutions of local, regional, national, and international realms.

This comes to what started this whole rant: today, the World Food Programme (WFP) appealed for increased funding. The United Nations agency just started a new program in Azerbaijan to feed some of the 300, 000 people that will have continued food dependency throughout the coming years (WFP Food Security and Nutrition Assessment 2005). This new program is slated to provide "26,833 metric tons of food assistance valued at $15.7 million to the most vulnerable of the displaced population, particularly women and children," and is the last phase of a broader operation in Azerbaijan (United Nations News Centre 2006). According to WFP's Regional Director for the Middle East, Central Asia and Eastern Europe, Amir Abdulla, continued financial support from donors is vital as this final phase needs to provide a smooth transition to government control of this service.

Over the past twelve years, WFP has provided more than 100 million dollars to Azerbaijan for the food security of some million displaced people. Since the creation of the Millennium Development Goals (MDGs), WFP has coordinated its operation in the west Asian country to parallel and compliment the State Programme for Poverty Reduction and Economic Development and with the Millennium Development Goals which works to remedy a number of socio-economic issues. Also, this WFP operation has included a Food For Education component (improves primary school enrollment through providing school meals) and a Food for Work component (increases employment opportunities for rural households, particularly for women).

It is noteworthy that the WFP runs operations in over a third of the countries of the world and is working in every continent except Australia and Antarctica. While it is a United Nations Agency, the General Assembly does not appropriate funds to WFP--all of the WFP operations are funded by voluntary donations. Most of these donations come from governments, but there are also contributions from businesses and individuals. Despite these donations, WFP programs are frequently underfunded. The WFP emergency operation in Kenya has been funded 60% of the necessary US$352,322,333 to feed 3.5 million children, pregnant and nursing mothers, and pastoralists who have gone hungry due to drought. The operation in Niger--56%.

Some would argue that, if the WFP does not have the money to run these programs to feed people, it should not run the programs. This is valid--to a point. If the WFP does not feed these people, they are left without access to necessary food and water. The families that benefit from the aid provided by WFP depend on it for survival. Does the WFP, then, have a choice? If they start a new program that is underfunded because the need is too great, should they have not tried to remedy the situation; thereby, leaving millions without resources necessary for life? 'Cut back or kill' does not seem a very civil choice.

I think what the real issue boils down to is: can we, as a planet, continue to grow and, through smart development, survive? Forever an optimist, I feel that we can. Forever a realist, I don't think it will happen. Every person in the developed world and many in the developing world realize that the manner of which we go about living on this planet--taking and rarely giving back--has to stop. We have to live better. The planet is full of too many people and reckless absorption of irreplaceable resources. We suck oil from the Earth. We cut down trees and condone air pollution. We dump trash in our water. We waste. For many of us, this destruction has been subconsciously justified by the idea that humans are, after all, the dominant and destined species on the planet--I daresay, the universe. Humans are in control, take no heed to the laws that govern the rest of creation.

Most of this thinking is inspired by a novel I have been reading (I lost it and cannot find it to finish it). The novel: Ishmael. The book explains our problems simply. All over the planet, species are subject to basic laws of ecology. Those are: if there is an abundance of resources, populations will increase; If the food disappears, so do the populations. What we have done to ensure that our needs are met with the growing population is to destroy natural threats to our resources. Hypothetically, a bison is roaming the plain. We eat the bison, but we need more bison to supply our meat demand. So, we protect the bison from it's other threats. We kill off it's predators and take it into captivity. Husbandry. Bison populations increase, human populations follow suit. Soon, the bison is no longer enough--we need more. We kill off the threats to the bison food supply. One grass takes over, the bison populations rise, human populations grow. The cycle continues.

We have been reducing diversity of the world to cater to the human race, but at a cost that we are now beginning to realize. We destroy something that is not necessary for our survival, like the grass varieties competing in the same field as the bison grazing grass. This destruction echoes through the ecosystem. Humanity can only evade ecological law for so long.

It is my opinion that the WFP appeal for money is only a symptom of Mother Nature's karma-like impact on humanity. Unless we shape up, look at the larger mistake (destroying the world because we are humans and we can), and change our lifestyles worldwide, we are entering war with the rest of the planet. That isn't to say we are completely disabled. I think we could do it--if we want to. However, I don't think enough people care and, for me, the future seems a dark place, ridden with serious challenges for humanity.

Nevertheless:

"Whoever saved a life, it would be as if he saved the life of all mankind" Qur'an 5:32

... keep trying.

Perhaps the best weekend ever, despite failing health

2006-06-12T15:34:00.001-04:00

There is one thing that can overpower the negativity of physical pain: the company of someone special.

This past weekend I went to Ann Arbor to visit Andrew. I was originally planning on leaving Thursday afternoon to be with him after he finished his classes. Unfortunately, I had to babysit and didn't leave Greenville until 9 pm. I couldn't get there fast enough. On Friday I woke up and had an earache. All I could think to myself was: please let it clear up so I can enjoy this weekend, please, oh please. After a wonderful dinner on the roof of Palio's my silly ear problem got much worse. Andrew was a great friend and he cared for me. I didn't sleep much that night, but by the next morning I felt much better. I was able to enjoy our visit with Eric and Anna.

Most of the Saturday was a double date. As an unstoppable wrecking ball of coupledom, Andrew and I successfully defeated Eric and Anna in tennis and bowling (in all actuality it was quite close many times during our tennis competition). Although my ear still hurt (not as badly, but I didn't want Andrew to worry about me), Saturday was still very enjoyable. It was the first time Andrew and I had played any sport together. I think we make a good team. He was very supportive of me when I goofed and I tried to reciprocate but, we did tease each other for silly mistakes. It felt very natural for me to be with him.

I didn't end up leaving until 8:30 last night. The drive home stunk. I missed Andrew, I hit a deer, and, come to find out, I forgot my typhoid vaccination in Ann Arbor.

As if I needed another reason to appreciate him, Andrew got up early this morning and drove my Vivotif to me. I feel like an idiot but, secretly, I am glad I forgot my medicine; I got to see him again.

Overall, it was the best weekend I can recall. Andrew made it so enjoyable that it was easy to overlook the extent of my earache (popped ear drum - eek!). Maybe he's dangerous for me? ha ha. Who cares?

I will miss him very much.

I am such a girl. . .

2006-06-06T21:49:00.001-04:00

I love this movie:

Not much has changed. . . .

2006-06-04T00:36:00.001-04:00

I figure that it has been quite long enough since I last posted (or at least since I posted anything worth reading).

To be frank, I haven't posted because I have not felt like I have anything happening in my life that is appropriate material for my blog. Nevertheless, I will update you on the general landscape of recent day-to-day life. Perhaps the most important thing, of which I am most proud, is my sister's graduation from high school. Today we hosted her open house and went over very well - if you ask me. Stephie, of course, looked wonderful wearing a dress she bought in New York City. I wish she knew how beautiful, wonderful and talented she is. When I think about everything she has put up with and her attitude - there are fragments of her that I wish I had in my character. I am proud of her for her bite. If you are lucky enough to know Steph, you know what I am referring to. She doesn't take crap from anyone - which sometimes can be unpleasant when I am the one dishing out the trash. Many times I feel like I am too placid. I turn around and see her there telling some jerk-face-loser-pants that he needs to get a life, and I wish I could dish it out like her. I cannot wait until she gets married ( just a warning to her future husband : she never loses). I am proud of her unwavering commitment to right and wrong. If something is immoral, inappropriate, or uncouth she's there to make sure it doesn't happen in her presence. I wish I had that - at least to the degree she does. I look up to her in so many ways. Watching her graduate tomorrow is going to be emotional; my soulmate is grown up; our careless childhood memories have a finality like never before; my home is changing and there is a threat that it could leave and I would not be able to stop it. More than this, I have confidence in her.

Also, I have been ill these past few days. It's dumb, and I have been trying to ignore it.

I have been reading a book called Ishmael. If you ever wondered why, historically, advanced civilizations have never survived, this book offers an interesting thesis. What is more, it is put into a digestable fiction form with helpful anecdotes. Solutions are inherently obvious. . .

I won't write about Mexico because there is too much to type. I will have to figure out an effective system to update others about happenings while I am in Lima.

Nights are bad for me too.

Viva Chihuahua!

2006-05-23T13:52:00.001-04:00

Mexico was amazing. I set some goals and am rethinking my life.

2006-05-07T00:50:00.001-04:00

" And if you are sitting by the side of the man or woman you love, then it seems time has wings; it is flying. Hours pass like minutes, days pass like hours, months pass like days."

Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh on "psychological time",Theologia Mystica

A Response:

2006-05-01T12:55:00.001-04:00

Friend: one attached to another by affection or esteem (Merriam Webster's Collegiate Dictionary 11th ed.)

Friend: A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts. (Dictionary.com)

If either of the above apply to you - regardless of contact over the past weekend - re-read previous post and keep in mind that the term "friend" is not exculsive to only those that I happen to mention.

Thank You.

Good ole Alma

2006-04-30T21:55:00.001-04:00

I am back in Alma - it's fun to look forward to what I will be doing in Mexico, but I was home too long. I got a taste of how nice it is to see my friends again - meaning friday Andrew took me to a movie, saturday I watched movies with Corey, and sunday Andrew took me to lunch and then we went to Andy's and talked for about an hour and half. And now, as much as I wanted to leave, I want to stay. I remembered how wonderful Greenville can be with the right people around - my friends. And I miss you already.

Love,

Kim

So true. . .

2006-04-29T19:50:00.001-04:00

Your Power Color Is Indigo

At Your Highest:

You are on a fast track to success - and others believe in you.

At Your Lowest:

You require a lot of attention and praise.

In Love:

You see people as how you want them to be, not as how they are.

How You're Attractive:

You're dramatic flair makes others see you as mysterious and romantic.

Your Eternal Question:

"Does This Work Into My Future Plans?"

What's Your Power Color?

Hot Car

2006-04-28T20:01:00.001-04:00

Hi everyone. I took this quiz and I am pretty sure that I'm a hot car. Not to mention I really like this one. So, I would say "nice match." I don't really know about the 'up-to-date technology' part though - I am fairly certain I am the only one without a cell phone. . .except you Corey. We can be phone-free together!

I'm a Porsche 911!

You have a classic style, but you're up-to-date with the latest technology. You're ambitious, competitive, and you love to win. Performance, precision, and prestige - you're one of the elite,and you know it.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

I recommend the Kent County Health Dept. . .

2006-04-27T23:53:00.001-04:00

Today, I went to get my vaccinations for my class in Mexico. And, after struggling with the Montcalm Co. Health Dept., the Gratiot Co. Health Dept., and my own primary care physician, my mother and I went to Kent Co. and -voila- vaccines pronto. I only had to have three - one of which was only bc an old doctor's office didn't do my hep-b correctly. Anyway - this is all going to one thing: I had to have a shot in my bum. And, why this is probably none of your business, I am happy to say that I have experienced the awkwardness that movies try to depict (i.e. Pearl Harbor. . . but I wasn't attracted to the nurse).

um. . . I hope that someone out there watched ER tonight. I don't normally watch tv, but I happened to catch this one. One of the doctors goes to an IDP camp in Darfur. It was very well done. They had stats - I wonder where they got them, although they sounded correct - conservative- but in the correct range I guess. Not that I have been to Darfur, or know anyone who has, I think that the director did a wonderful job conveying the culture shock. There are three more episodes left in the season - it's on Thursday evenings. I encourage you guys to check it out.

Ok...I have to be up early tomorrow - I am going with my mom to drop my sister off at the Gerald R. Ford- early as 4:30 am - *throws confetti* Catch ya on da flip.

Love,
Kim

Today is a great day.

2006-04-26T14:13:00.001-04:00

Hi everyone. Today is a great day. I have not been this happy in a long time - I am so glad, that any other issues I might have been having - aren't of consequence. I slept in, called Cross-Cultural Solutions, called Kent County Community Health, registered to vote, and got my passport in the mail. I was very productive. It is amazing what that can do for someone's attitude. I still have more to do, but a lot of stress has been relieved.

And for those of you taking exams and whatnot - best luck.

I suppose, while I have time, I should do some shoutouts - bc there are some people that deserve them : )

Stephie - You are the greatest. Please don't let school or ex-boyfriends get to you. Please don't let mom or dad get to you. I just want you to be happy. It's almost time for you to graduate - and the people who know and love you - the people you know and love - although they are leaving, everything will work out. Afterall, You, Kitsy, and I are living together my senior year - just look forward to that! I love you and I am always here for you. Knock um dead in Dallas - and then again in NYC!

Andrew - You say you don't read my blog, but I know you do. Anyway, I wanted to publicly apologize for making you look like a complete ass to everyone. You aren't. Of everyone I have ever met, you have probably been the most honest, best friend I have had. I am sorry - and I hope you do well on your math final. Looking forward to seeing you.

Dad - I have no idea if you read this - hopefully you do, bc I read yours! I love you Dad and I want to thank you for all the time you have spent lately helping me sort my life out. Of everything I have done, I couldn't have done it without your unconditional support. Thanks.

Corey - I owe you an apology and a big fat hug. You are such a loyal person and I haven't been a very good friend over the past year. I am sorry. The hug is for being so genuine and kind. You're amazing.

What if I were a hippy?

2006-04-24T14:37:00.001-04:00

Hello all. I was just having random thoughts. . . one includes me having a secret desire to be a neo-hippy. That's right folks. I sort of wonder what my life would be like if I was a hippy. Some parts I wouldn't be able to live with - including growing out the hair on my body - ew. But the henna tatoos and hemp jewlery - comfy, laid-back skirts with sandles all the time. . .I think I could do that. Sometimes when I am really lazy - like today- I woke up three times, but didn't get up until 2 pm. . . Sometimes when I am really lazy, i wish i was a hippy. I wouldn't shower, and I could be okay with that, bc I would be a hippy. I would wear the same jean everyday for four weeks and I wouldn't care bc I would be a hippy. I would never wear makeup. But no - I shall not become a hippy. I will shower today and I will shave my legs. I will probably wear the same jeans I wore yesterday but I will find something else tomorrow.

I need to clean - I found out that the last time my family cleaned our house was when I was home for Christmas. It isn't that messy - but too gross for me. So I clean. Then I will probably work on internship stuff - then spring term stuff. . . we shall see. Until then - call me Cinderella.

Nothing left to do. But, of course, I lie.

2006-04-21T14:10:00.001-04:00

So, I have just finished my English portfolio - turned it in and whatnot. I have nothing left to do. Which, we all know is a choice and not a fact.

About the picture - I was in the process of getting lost with Brittany in New York's financial district, when we passed this shoe store. I thought the 'probably' added a degree of hilarity to the sign. I mean, how much more did these people pay? Why not just put " We might be the lowest priced in the city" or "We think we're low priced" - or better yet "We're cheap." I am reading too much into this, I know. But, I am trying to do stuff that won't bring me down.

My quote of the day
"There are only four questions of value in life, Don Octavio. What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same: only Love."

This quote is in a word - awesome. Why? Because it is true. I know not all of you are as bohemian as I tend to be, but tell me what is more worth while than love? It is my opinion, that if you can come up with a more accurate, honest answer than love, you haven't truly loved. It amazes me the power love has. What amazes me more is how humanity, which is capable of such a powerful positive emotion, can continue to live in hate and greed. . . This alludes to the possibility that love may not really be all it's cracked up to be. I guess it's all about choice. Each of us has the choice to live in love - we can promote it, show it genuinely toward each other, challenge one another to find loving qualities in our enemies (after all "Am I not also destroying my enemies by making friends of them?"). We can choose to love. Or, we can continue in a vein of hate and selfishness - turning our backs on atrocities, securing the viability of only ourselves, blaming the sufferers for their suffering. We can choose hate. But what is hate worth? Hate is not sacred. Hate does not compose our spirits. Hate most definitely is not worth living for -is a hateful life a life worth living? Hate is only worth dying for. Dying to put ourselves out of our misery.

I am frequently challenged by many intelligent people - arguing that my desire to help others and live in love is a waste. There is too much corruption. You aren't going to change mankind. People hate - they always will. I know as a race we are evil. But as individuals, we can save lives, help others - even just a few. And, though to some, that may not be a success, I cannot live a life in which I neglect others. In which, I left people who needed someone, alone. I know I cannot save the world. But if I could save just one - I would have done the only thing worth living for - I would have loved a stranger enough to spend my entire life striving to make their load lighter. I would have loved. That's the choice I have made. We all have the choice.

2006-04-20T18:53:00.001-04:00

I need school. . . because I am bored.

If everything isn't okay, it's not over

2006-04-20T14:09:00.001-04:00

Sometimes I wake up and feel like a million. Other days - not so much. Today, unfortunately, was a 'not so much.' And it all began with last night.

I was up to three talking to the same person, about the same stuff, which made getting up at 7 an impossibility. When I did get up and dressed (at 11), I went to turn in the receipts for my internship. The provost office was closed. Therefore, I could not get the reimbursement for next week - like my mother wanted. Also, that meant that I would have to wait until next week before I could even think about getting my reimbursement. Which was an issue, bc I was fairly certain I was overdrawn bc of NYC. So, I decided I better go to the bank and see if I could fix anything. With $20 in my wallet I figure, if all my transactions haven't come through, I can put $10 in my checking and I will still have $10 for gas to get home on Saturday.

And then - like a miracle of God - my day got a lot better. I am standing in the bank when I realize that my check was direct deposited, and I never included in my register. So, I ask her - "how much?" - It was a lot. More than I expected. So that made me happy. Then I decide I should try the Provost office again. And - lo and behold- it's open and I was able to get my reciepts squared away. They are mailing the reimbursments to me over break. Realizing I have money, I decide I better go buy my spring term books. So I go -with my old text books - and make another $87. Overall, this day has not been as bad as I thought it would be.

It just reminds me of the saying "Everything will be okay." How many times have you heard someone say this and you think what the heck!?! Well, about a month ago - while I was having a pretty rough time of it - my friend Erik, who I met in St. Louis, told me that: "If everything isn't okay, it's not over." I was ready to pay $20 in overdraft and give up on the stupid provost's office - but in truth, my day had just begun!

I know you guys are probably all still working on finals and projects of the sort. I wish you best of luck. Kim offers you her protection, while she naps on the lawn - in the sun- with a book -and silly music -and no worries(virtually. 1,800 children will die today, of preventable causes).

Ok -that was depressing. Sorry guys.

Do you sleep with a drunk?

2006-04-19T23:13:00.001-04:00

Whoa, this is a record for me. Thrice in one day! Anyway, this blog entry is inspired by annoyance and regrettable anger.

Let me preface this entry by also saying: "One does not need booze to make one's college experience - or life experience for that matter - more enjoyable."

With that being said, I get really bothered when people egg me about going out. I don't go out because, in Alma, if you go out you should probably be so plastered that you don't care that you are only going to stand around, get wasted, then come back to Gelston, Newberry, Bruske, or Wright and puke your entire night back up. I don't go out because I don't enjoy being the only sober person on the block. I don't go out because, while you are ruining your liver for the second or third time this week, I would rather read; watch a movie; or have an actual conversation - that I will remember. I disagree with your assumption that, if I go out, I will have more friends. I don't know about you, but I like to have more in common with my friends than the fact that we drank out of the same shot glass.

When I tell you that I don't want to go out, it isn't simply an isolated incident - I'm not 'just tired'. When I tell you that those parties are boring and that I don't feel like drinking. I mean it. I try to be as tactful as possible. But, for goodness sake, not everyone finds being drunk fun. I don't. So, stop bothering me about it. If I want to vomit in my own hair, scrape my knee on the pavement because I can't hold myself up, or lose my balance dancing on the bar - trust me - I can take the initiative. Leave me alone.

PS: When you stumble in around 2:30/3:oo AM, can you shut up? and set your own alarm? Remember, today's Wednesday - you don't have church tomorrow.

2006-04-19T15:23:00.000-04:00

hmmm. . . Me thinks I need a profile picture.

2006-04-19T14:23:00.001-04:00

Inaugural Entry

Hello everyone. I am getting tired of xanga and myspace --- there are too many silly people. I have a feeling that this may be a more appropriate blog site. My father actually turned me on to it. Which is silly and I teased him for it.

Through this blog I will try to express some of my views on things going on in the world, but I cannot guarantee that it will be completely void of any personal touches. After all, (and I am sure we agree) complete politics would be boring as hell. So, I suppose I should clarify --- I will try to express my view of things going on in my world.

Well, this is it for now. . . and for more semi-empty promises: I will try to update regularly. Ha ha. But seriously folks, I will make an honest effort --- bec my life is so amazing.

Cherrio.